Moving At A Snails Pace with Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome

Last night I threw some lettuce and carrots in for our snails and found myself staring at them for over an hour and a half. Either I really am that tired, there was nothing on television, or my little friends were helping me relax. I had no idea time was passing. I found myself saying things out loud like, "Oh...my...God! That is so weird." "What the hell is that?"

Just when I was starting to adjust to Maizie being out of the cyclical vomiting cycle it hit again. Last week she had one day where it hit. Yesterday it happened in the morning but she seemed fine by one in the afternoon. I had a meeting at church and Chloe was wanting to have Maizie over to play so I was happy to oblige. Susie is feeling a bit better after her surgery and was certain she was able to watch Maizie. About forty minutes after I left Susie called and told me Maizie was sweating, out of it and in a lot of pain. Big sigh. Two episodes in a day was not a good sign. I always leave Maizie with her Kytril and Zofran. Susie is great with Maizie. She gave her the medications and assured me it was okay to finish the meeting.
When I returned Maizie was perking up. Chloe was about at her witts end having to wait for so long to play with Maizie. Finally, the girls played. I enjoyed pizza and hanging out with Tim and Susie. With Joe off in California it was so nice to visit with friends. I was beyond surprised when I looked at the clock and saw it was almost eight at night when we left. When the CVS strikes everything slows down to a snails pace. This morning I was hopeful when we reached ten and there was no sign of the CVS monster. Within minutes of feeling this hope Maizie looked at me and said, "I am sorry to say this. My belly hurts." Sigh.

The pain Maizie had today was intense. I called the neurologist and she increased her Topamax by starting a morning dose. Yes, we are still trying the Topamax. It seems that we are having some success with it since she is not vomiting as much with the spells and they have been less frequent. I really don't know for sure if it is the medication helping.

By four o'clock today Maizie began feeling better and wanted to leave the house. We headed off to the dog park. It feels as if Maizie and me are moving in slow motion. We get a little bit ahead and make it to the surface...enjoy some deep and wonderful breaths and then fall back to the bottom again. It reminds me of the snails slowly making their way around the tank. At the top they take in air and without notice they quickly float to the bottom again. But, I will say they do so with beauty and grace. And so we try to do the same.

“In philosophy if you aren't moving at a snail's pace you aren't moving at all.”
Iris Murdoch (British Novelist and Philosopher, 1919-1999)

"Time sometimes flies like a bird, sometimes crawls like a snail; but a man is happiest when he does not even notice whether it passes swiftly or slowly."
Ivan Turgenev (Russian author, 1818-1883)

Neighbors from Hell and Landscaping Fun

After an adventure filled weekend of playing drums at the zoo with Maralyn we decided to do more landscaping on the yard. Maizie and I went to Lowes to purchase some plants for the front yard. We had to find plants that grow well in the shade with a little bit of sun. Maizie quickly learned how to read the growing tips for plants. It was hard for her to resist picking out the plants with big beautiful blooms on them. I explained that we needed perennials which seemed to confuse and upset her so we focused on sun versus shade. She picked out a few annuals for our sunny back yard to appease her need for bright colors.
This is our challenge. In the photo above we have our neighbors yard. We live in row houses that were built in the early 1800's so our neighbors "meadow" is right next to the side walk that divides our yards. I took this picture last week after reporting the landlord to Neighborhood Code.

The grass is even longer now and has turned to seed. No weed ordinance sign has been put up. Neighborhood code was even at our house to look at their yard and some homes behind us that we turned in for huge piles of wet cardboard, old piles of trash, a big white van that never moves, tires and more tires piled around the white van. I have also noticed three to four large, able bodied men milling around this house. Once they were even playing horse shoes in their "meadow" as piles of trash sat unmoved. Note to self: Call on suspicious number of men milling around neighbors house.

The nice neighborhood code guy asked us if we knew who owned one of the houses that we were reporting. Apparently the owner is the president of our neighborhood association! Unbelievable! We would definitely consider his house low (very low) on the list of attractive historic neighborhood homes.

The renters are usually scary and some have even been on house arrest. This is also the house where I had to call because a toddler was waddling on the porch roof all alone in nothing but a diaper and little white socks. I called 911 as I listened to the toddler babble and lean over the edge of the roof looking down at me and laughing. It would have been a skull shattering drop had he fell. The police came and found the mother sound asleep in the house. I often feel like a neighborhood babysitter. Keeping my eye on children and adults around here who seem unable to take care of themselves. I often wonder about that little boy on the roof. Had I not been there at just the right time what would have happened to him? That same night the mother packed everything up and disappeared with the child. Apparently she was fearing the visit child protective services was going to be making to her home the next day.

The garbage issue has sent me over the edge. West Central Neighborhood Association is known for trying to turn our downtown neighborhood around. We want more single family homes in the neighborhoods and rentals are encouraged to keep with the historic look. I thought throwing away garbage is common sense?

When I found out that the president of our association owns some of the nastiest homes around here...preaching one thing and doing another. Well, lets just say it really makes me frustrated. Apparently the president can make some things happen for the better but lets his own properties stay in pitiful disrepair.

I talked to my friend who has been a part of the association for years. She said no one else has been willing to be the president as of yet. This guy is apparently the best they could get? I have not been a member of the association but would like to get more involved once I have more energy. Granted, calling the police and code enforcement keeps me busy enough.

Just today a neighbor lady at the long grass house called out to me asking if we had a way to copy papers. I told her I would copy them for her. She handed me two SSI papers. I copied them and when I gave them back to her she told me to watch my daughter closely because the guy in the middle apartment was selling cocaine and people have been coming night and day for buys. Lovely. Not surprising though.

We have had drugs in the house next to us for a long time. The landlord is a complete ass and could care less. She also told me they have very little hot water when the shower works. Her front door window is broken and he won't replace it. But, he does frequently ask her to show the front apartment for him. He says he will fix what she wants if she does so. I told her that was wrong and she said she knew that but feels desperate. Needless to say, I have more phone calls to make.

Here is our back yard. It looks interesting to see our yard right next to the grass from hell. I should have taken a photo where you can see both at the same time. I will have to do that next time.

Currently Joe is taking out the old fence that has been here since who knows when. Once he gets that done we have to get approval for a new fence and deck to go up. It is a pain to get approval and yet people who don't do anything to keep up the houses except the bare minimum seem to get away with everything. Most owners are more than happy to keep paying the fines rather than do the work needed to update the house. All this complaining is making my adrenals hurt real bad. ;)
Okay, enough on that. Maizie helped me position the path stones and carry all the plants to the porch.
She refused to shovel or touch the plants or the dirt. Instead she directed me on where to put them and kept saying, "Mom! Your hands are so dirty! I can't believe you are doing that!"
As I was busy planting I asked her to bring me the next plant. Apparently she was side tracked because I looked up to see her staring at something on the cement. I could not get her attention. What was she looking at? Little rocks. Maizie told me they were going to be a new collection of hers.
Luckily, she eventually lost interest and continued bringing me plants and watering for me. I have five more to plant. Maybe Maizie we will be willing to get her hands dirty tomorrow? Something tells me not to hold my breath.

Webkinz Fun on Mother's Day!

Thank you for all of your encouraging comments. I am in a state of shock that I am supposed to be following a program where I need to be in bed by ten o'clock. It has yet to happen. My medicine has not been finished yet so hopefully I will get it in the mail real soon. Now that I know there is something that may help with these darned adrenals....well, I want it now! The sooner the better!

I hope you all had a wonderful and relaxing Mother's Day.
Maizie gave me a beautiful card and a Beagle Webkinz. It is very cute and cuddly. I can't wait to see what it looks like online. Yes, I am a Webkinz addict. There could be worse things. Maizie and I frequently send one another mail and gifts online. I regularly send her food from my online garden. Maizie sometimes forgets to feed her Webkinz. My gift of strawberries and pumpkins is a friendly reminder for her to feed her slowly expanding family.

I recently purchased a swimming pool for my little critter. I earned most of the points playing Quizzy's Word Challenge but over seven hundred dollars of it was from my gardening. How cool is that? Ah, if I only had a green thumb in real life.Chloe likes sending and receiving sweet gifts as well. The photo above is from our Strawberry picking trip last summer.

I thought maybe I would have something sappy and sweet to say on this Mother's Day. But, Joe and I are watching Lost and I should be in bed. I love you all. Sleep well!

My Adrenal Glands are Failing Me...or I am Failing Them?

I finally have the results of my lovely saliva test and blood test.

My entire life I have been a person who loves to sleep. I can sleep for hours on end. As a child my mom told me they would find me in odd places around the house sleeping. Once they thought I had gone missing. They scoured the neighborhood looking for me and were about to call the police when they found me laying underneath the kitchen bar....sound asleep.

I require lots of sleep to function and even then I am always feeling tired. This tired feeling became way worse when my endo pain was out of control and has about done me in after my recent surgery. To top it all off I tend to lean towards perfectionism and push myself to always be creating my art, keep a clean house and blah blah blah. I am somewhat competitive and since I don't work this comes out in other ways in my life that might not be so healthy. I compete against myself and who can win there? Not me!

The doctor called me back to her office for the results. I did not expect to hear anything other than, "Maybe we should try another antidepressant. The results are just fine." Instead I heard, "Your adrenal glands are almost failing. You need to go on Cortisol as soon as possible and change your lifestyle or things will get worse and worse. It is no wonder you are tired and losing your memory."

I was shocked and felt instantly relieved. There was something going on and it was not my imagination. My body is totally lacking in energy and there is a reason for it. Even better, there is a cause that can be worked on and improved.

After spending one hour explaining the results and lecturing me about my lifestyle I began to feel even more depleted. The doctor wrote out an actual prescription for napping! It says, "Patient is to nap daily as needed." I cracked up reading that. Needless to say it has a place of honor on my fridge so that I can point to it whenever I can't function anymore.

She lectured me on my eating habits which really are not that bad. Except for the intense sugar cravings! Apparently that goes along with adrenal fatigue. Your body craves the sugar so you can get a temporary rush of energy but in the long run it just makes everything worse. I don't drink much alcohol at all, hate coffee and I have never smoked. So....I put my hands up and said, "What is there to change?"

The doctor leaned back and said, "You have to figure out this situation with your daughter and get her problems resolved. You need to sleep more and have more fun times out of the house without your child. It is imperative that you eat four meals a day and exercise more. Anything or anyone toxic in your life needs to be removed." She told me to purchase the book called Adrenal Fatigue.

I sat there stunned. You can guess which line really pissed me off. The first one. 'You have to figure out this situation with your daughter and get her problems resolved."

I said, "Okay. I see how my daughter adds stress to my life but she is chronically ill and Autistic. I can't heal her cyclical vomiting syndrome. Believe me...if I could, I would have done so by now!"

The doctor sighed and said, "I will say it again. You need to get her situation resolved so you can concentrate on your own health."

WTF? I just left it at that. Obviously her bedside manner lacks a bit in this area. She is also a doctor that when you are crying and in pain after a surgery or procedure sternly says, "Stop crying! You are only making it worse. Sweetie." She must add the 'sweetie' on the end of everything thinking it makes the harsher words easier to take in. Well, it does not work and only makes me more angry.

But, I stick with her because she is the only doctor that took my pain seriously and promised to get to the bottom if it. She believed me when I told her it felt like someone was stabbing me to death during every period. Most doctors just told me to deal with it and that it was all in my head. She encouraged the hysterectomy after trying every other procedure to better my endo pain. When, I finally accepted she promised to stay with me after the surgery if I continued to feel lousy. She backed down when I insisted I would be keeping in one ovary and so be it if I needed another surgery in the future to have it removed. I must say I feel remarkably better. Very little pain in that area except for the occasional stabbing pain. The fatigue is the problem. Luckily, she is getting to the bottom of that as well.

So, I push her not so favorable comments aside and focus on the reality of my situation. There are indeed some things I can change and improve upon. I am going to make a point of leaving the house alone more often to do fun things on my own when Joe is home to keep an eye on Maizie. I am going to hire our sitter on a regular basis to help with Maizie. Napping will happen more often and I won't feel guilty about it. Improving my diet and exercising more has to happen. And the list goes on. Argh.

The last two days I have been in a state of depression and elation over these test results. Making lifestyle changes when you care for a child who is chronically ill is difficult. No one can understand how complicated it is unless they are in it. There are so many factors to consider. Everything is so easier said than done. And yet, in order to be healthy and be here for Maizie I must change and get these adrenal glands working again.

The program I am being put on sounds like hell to me. I need to be in bed by ten and sleep until nine. How will I get anything done?! Things that I want to do just for me? I guess that is where more time alone comes into play. Four meals a day? That will be an adjustment. No more sugar. Well, you will hear me screaming over that one. Hopefully the Cortisol and other things I will be taking will help boost me up quickly. I have not finished the book yet so who knows what other things I need to change. At least it can be improved! I am truly fortunate.

The Perfect Unschooling Day

Did you know you can buy owl pellets? Maizie and I did just that. She could barely contain her excitement waiting to dissect the owl's little 'package'. First, we read the booklet all about owls and the various animals they like to eat.

Maizie began giggling upon seeing the foil wrapped pellet. She kept turning away, not wanting to look at the mysterious thing.Finally she unwrapped it.
We had to practice with how to squeeze the tweezers while holding the pellet but eventually she got the hang of it.
Once she saw the little bones she was fascinated and worked diligently to remove every one she could find.
Once finished I threw away the giant fur pile and she immediately began putting the bones in order. The booklet came with a diagram of all the possible bones you may find. It was easy to match them up with the appropriate critter. The kit came with three pellets and once finished she immediately asked to do the next one. Just the one pellet took a long time. I could tell she was tired. I talked her out of it and she decided to hold the guinea pigs.


Finally, she was so tired she could not hold the little pigs anymore and put them to bed. Shortly after that she took her own mid morning nap. After lunch she played Webkinz, stuffed animals and put some puzzles together.
After dinner Joe and Maizie began a physics project that taught mass, inertia, momentum and the concept of a force. I loved listening in while I cleaned up the kitchen. Maizie was really into it.
There are a few times when Maizie said, "That is enough words Daddy!" Joe's cue to move on. No surprise. Maizie prefers action to words. Joe and I are continually being told not to speak. And if we have to she insists we speak slower. I can imagine when we really get talking it is hard for her to follow.
Joe does well keeping it simple. I find myself learning too. Or at least remembering what I know about Archimedes. It surprised me to hear Joe saying 'Archimedes' to Maizie and hearing her repeat the name. I don't think she will retain everything she learned today and that is okay. Not many kids or adults retain everything. Life is about learning things in different ways and at different times. We are always relearning things from our childhood. I think the experience is most important. It is about the wanting to learn, the desire, the spark that learning creates. I love seeing that in Maizie.

Today was so nice. Unschooling at its best. The rainy weather kept us inside and I think that was a relief to Maizie. There was no sun to hurt her eyes and make her extra tired. Just a nice, lingering day of learning and relaxing. I wish every day was like today. Experience reminds me days like this will be few and far between. I document today to remind me they do happen and despite long days of CVS or communication lulls they will happen again.

Homeschooling Turns to Unschooling

Joe and I are sitting around watching the polls. We went as a family to vote today. How sweet is that? ;)

Explaining politics to Maizie is a challenge. We spent a while finding words that she did not mix up with other meanings. I said, "Voting will determine who gets to run for president of the United States." Maizie looked up excitedly and said, "Where are they running to?"

I think we are officially unschoolers. I am not a hundred percent sure but almost. Maizie is just now going to bed. It is after eleven. No amount of coercion could tear her away from her dinosaur dig. It is really no big deal because she can sleep in tomorrow. Maizie was in the mood to work and if she has the energy I certainly don't want to stop her.

Worksheets or workbooks are out of the question right now. I remind myself that Maizie goes in spurts and I try not to panic. Growing up in traditional schooling makes me think the more completed worksheets the better. I know. I know. It really is ridiculous to think that worksheet quantity has anything to do with real learning. She will do more worksheets than I can keep up with and then refuse.

Tutoring has been on hold since the CVS kicked in after Christmas. Maizie has learned more math from Webkinz games than we have managed to teach her in months. Math is a major challenge for her and I am learning to be patient. I catch her using math and testing things out in unique playful ways. We need to be patient for her to develop in this area. I can see where we have pushed her heavily in math and it backfires. My patience level is constantly being tested. I am forced to slow way down every day. For me, this can be torture.

I suppose her math struggles tie in with understanding the concept of time. Her frustrations with understanding days, hours and when tomorrow is never seems to get any better. I create calendars and lists and she gets frustrated and refuses to use them. I suppose it is time to try again.

A self directed method of learning is definitely taking place here. When opportunities arise and she shows an interest we go for it. Hands on is key for Maizie.

It has helped that I don't compare her to other children as much anymore. Notice I say, 'as much'. I still need work in this area. We focus more on strengths and less on weaknesses. It seems by doing so she is catching up in little by little in other areas. There are nights where I lack sleep wondering if she will ever be able to understand when 'tomorrow' is, how to tell time or do simple addition. But, I am feeling more at peace with the not knowing.

What good does it do spending hours forcing math when it seems to cause her self esteem to plummet? Since we have backed off and went about learning math in a very relaxed way she is slowly showing more of an interest and less of a fear. We may return to tutoring but go about it in a different way. Lucky for me her tutor is always into trying new techniques and so am I. The most important goal I have for Maizie is to encourage the love of learning. In public school we watched as her interest was slowly squelched. It has taken a long time for Maizie to understand the freedom that she has in her learning process now. Even longer for me to accept that her way of learning is acceptable. Once again this has required me to give up some of my over controlling nature. My words can not express how difficult that is. The rewards and lessons I am learning are awesome. I am only now beginning to understand. Who is teaching who here?

Update on Susie, Thinking about Blood Donation and Zoos

Susie, Chloe's mom is doing so much better after her hip replacement surgery. She is happy to be home even if she is only able to be on the first floor. They had to set up a hospital bed in the dining room and she is using a walker to get around. I got to check out her fancy new bedroom today and it was kinda cozy. I can only imagine how frustrating it is not to be able to go up and down the steps. Not to mention she has no shower on the first floor so she has to go to her mom's house to shower. Ugh. Fortunately her mother in law of whom she gets along well with is staying with her for a few weeks to help with Chloe and taking care of the house.

Susie had eight blood transfusions while in the hospital. I have never donated blood but now I am seriously considering doing so. Do any of you donate blood? Why do you donate? I am really feeling the pull. I think it is a miracle that Susie survived such massive blood loss during surgery. Without that blood....well, I hate to even think about it.
Today we picked up Chloe and met Melissa and Alex at the zoo. Our town has an amazing zoo. I grew up in Cedar Rapids, Iowa where our zoo was one block long. The zoo has been around about a hundred years. Old McDonald's Farm is in Beaver Park. I imagine it has been updated considerably. I hope it has. The zoo had a lion, some monkeys in a sad garage like building with no windows, a donkey, goats, ducks and chickens. There may have been some other animals but nothing memorable. As a kid I loved it but I had no concept of what an adequate living arrangement was for any animal.

I remember being able to hear the lion growling from where we lived. That was cool. Back then it had no security. It was free of charge then and still is today. Vandalism happened all the time. The lion was often spray painted and eventually shot to death. At least that is what I remember hearing. I have no reason to believe it was not true though. Very sad. I tried searching for a website of some photos from the zoo and found close to nothing. If we go back to visit I want to go there again.

When we moved here I was in awe. The zoo is affordable, immaculate and constantly improving. We usually go often in the Spring when it is not hot out. You can buy a pass for about $65. Very inexpensive considering how often we go. I am sprinkling some zoo pictures from today throughout this post. Tonight Joe is riding go carts in Boston. His company calls this 'team building'. Sounds like another excuse to go out and have fun. They will probably go to a fancy dinner and then hit a bar after that. Yes, I do get a tad jealous of Joe's ongoing adventures.

He gets to travel often. Sometimes to really great places like Israel. I guess the zoo is as good as it gets for me and lil' Maizie. Sigh.

Sisters Go to Baby Mama

My little sister Melissa (my pet) and my older sister Marie picked me up today and we all went out to lunch and to see the movie Baby Mama. It has been ages since the three of us went out without children.

First we went to lunch at Mi Pueblo. I was thrilled since Maizie refuses to go there anymore. Marie had a huge breakfast so she went right for dessert! How pretty is that fried ice cream?

I grabbed this picture of Melissa on the left and Marie on the right. Sisters. I love my sisters so much. We have been through a lot together. When we do go out we find ourselves talking about childhood memories which is always fun. Today we were remembering how ornery Melissa was as a toddler.
Baby Mama was great. My favorite scene is where the "mother to be" is trying to swallow a prenatal vitamin. I could not stop laughing. It reminded me of teaching Maizie to swallow pills. There were too many laughs to count. Mostly women were in the theatre but I do think Joe would enjoy this movie as well. Steve Martin plays an eccentric business owner who is into channeling energy. His character was a riot. After the movie we braved the photo booth. The three of us could barely fit into that darn booth. Poor Melissa was half in and half out of the booth. We did not know that anyone outside of the booth could view our photo session as it happened on a large screen. Ugh! It was difficult to figure out how to get us all in the frame. Everything was reversed and we were easily confused due to our uncontrollable laughter. Melissa picked the 'Best Friends' background because as sisters we are certainly friends for life.

Giant Burrito, A Movie and La De Da

This is what Darwin looked like watching me sleep almost constantly through this sinus infection (paint inhalation poisoning). Darwin thinks he is being all sneaky like sitting with his bum hanging off the ottoman. Dogs are not allowed on the furniture. At least that is the rule. Unless I am too lazy or sick to enforce it. Maizie kept me entertained reading Ranger Rick and watching the first season of Jeff Corwin's Adventures. I still feel quite nasty but I am almost full of energy again. As you can all see from my last meme. Sometimes I get obsessed. I know. I know.
Tonight our good friend Jason came over. Maizie talked us into playing a game of Whoonu before we left for dinner. I have to point out here that I won...again. I swear Maizie loves watching grown ups pick out there most favorite things. This game never ceases to fascinate her. In the picture below she is giving me her look that says, "Argh! Do you ever stop taking pictures mom?!"
At Moe's Jason ordered a meal called, 'The Home Wrecker'. I can only imagine why it was branded with such a name. Jason ate the biggest burrito I have ever seen.
Maizie and I watched in awe as he devoured every last bite. My belly hurts just thinking about it. Jason described the burrito as, 'bodacious, delectable and scrumptious'. Yum.

Strangely enough Maizie dug through my purse and found the Saf-T-Pop mentioned in my last blog post. She opened it. Licked it a few times and then never touched it again. At least it is out of my purse.
This is the circle at our Target store that Maizie insists on standing in every time we go there. Recently she was able to touch the top. I thought that deserved a picture. Luckily, she did too. As you can tell Maizie is still on the up and up. Our mornings are still very slow and she often requires a mid morning nap but no vomiting and no headaches. I am praying it lasts.

After dinner we went to see a dollar movie. Maizie chose Penelope. My main interest in this movie was the decor in Penelope's bedroom. I wish it was mine. I loved it. Did I love the movie as much as Nim's Island?
Not so much. It did have a certain charm and whimsy to it that I appreciated. The "Disney like" plot was a little annoying. Trying to explain what a double mirror is to Maizie was harder than I would have thought. Maizie was able to get the gist of the plot but some of it was too fast for her. She has read enough fairy tales to see where it was going. A curse was placed on the baby and she was given a pig nose. Everyone believed the love of a man would break the curse. Once Penelope learned to love herself despite her looks the curse was lifted. A decent message with no major cursing or freaky stuff. Maizie's review was, "I liked that movie. Can I put together a puzzle with Jason when I get home?" Typical kid...always moving on to the next exciting event.

Gems, Canonization, Chanel Lipstick, Urban Exploring and Webkinz..Five Things Meme

I was tagged by Niksmom at Maternal Instincts...Flying By the Seat of My Pants.
I am way behind on tags. I don't think I will be able to catch up so I am starting fresh. Please don't be upset if you tagged me and I never accomplished the tag. Some are more appealing to me than others and once I start procrastinating...well, you know how it goes.

Five things found in your bag: An adorable note I found where Maizie was figuring out how many gems she had left to find. I put it in my purse and enjoy looking at it when I am bored.Above: A canonization card for Francisco Marto and Jacinta Marto. They were said to have seen an angel three times and Mary six times. I picked this up somewhere and loved the picture. Below: Maizie's I.D. bracelet that needs to be updated again. I have got to get that done!

Above: My lovely tube of Chanel lipstick. Color is Santa Barbara. Melissa gave me this in return for some portraits I took of Alex.

Below: Saf-T-Pops sucker put in my purse by Maizie. She gets these at Pizza Hut and always wants to save them for later. They sit in my purse and get all nasty and then I throw them out.

Five favorite things in your room.

A family portrait Maizie drew spontaneously at about age four. Guess who is in the middle.

My "Surrender" rock that I bought myself when Maizie was placed into foster care at age three months due to an adoption reversal risk. It reminds me that God is in control.

My Bunnykins mug. I had this since I was a child. I was always fascinated with the image. Inside the mug I keep a picture of my Grandfather, his brother and their German Shepherd.

Need I even explain? I love Joe and this apple was a gift I gave him when we were dating back in 1992.

My antique Alice in Wonderland books given to me by my Mom.

Five things you have always wanted to do.
*Go on an artist's retreat somewhere warm and beautiful.

*Urban Exploring On a grander scale than I have done in the past.

*Visit Africa

* Spend at least one full hour watching an animal of interest at the zoo.

* Go to Israel with Joe.

Five things you are currently into.
*Playing Webkinz with Maizie

*Lost

*Planning a Weekend Away

*Reorganizing/Decorating House

*Photography

Five people you’d like to tag.Meljo, Pregnantly Plump, Gathering Up the Pebbles, Is This What You Do All Day?, Autism Blog

I am Out of It

I have been sick. A nasty sinus infection has sent me a bad case of writers block and all I want to do is sleep. I saw the doctor and will be up and better in the morning. At least this is what I am telling myself. I miss you all.

Chloe Takes us to the SPCA

Yesterday Maizie and I had the honor of taking Chloe to her volunteer work at the SPCA. Chloe was excited to introduce us to her kitty friends. There are four rooms of cats and kittens. Each room has lots of cat beds and interesting toys. Everything was amazingly clean and well organized. We were told to used hand sanitizer in between each room. I had to remind Maizie to keep her hands off of her face due to her allergies. That was easier said than done. This experience was worth a little allergy rash. Inside each room there is a book that has a picture of each cat and information about their personality. Maizie loved these books. She made a point of matching each photo with the cat. There are a few with stories about the cats history.
As you can see Maizie found this information very interesting. After reading the book Chloe and Maizie would spend time with each cat.

I am sure if these Kitty's could talk they would share amazing stories of survival with us. If Maizie was not allergic to cats I bet she would have been wanting to bring one home. Luckily, she knows her limits.
Smarty is seen above loving up to Maizie. This is the cat Chloe warned us about. She came over to us all friendly like so Maizie began petting her. Within seconds she was hissing and scratching at Maizie. A sudden change of heart? Despite her attitude she appears to be one of Chloe's favorite cats to talk about. Maybe in time Smarty will become more trusting. If not, it is good to know he has a safe home at the SPCA.
The orange cat above is named Peter. Peter breaths like Darth Vader. I asked Chloe what that was about and she said he has a cold. I am sure there is an interesting story behind this cat's unique breathing. There was something precious about the sound of it. I wondered if the cat's chances of being adopted were lower due to this interesting difference in breathing? Needless to say, I was drawn to this orange cat with the unique breathing. If we were up for adopting a cat that one would have been mine.
Chloe looks forward to the day when she can have a kitty of her own. Chloe's dog Boomer is possibly a little too excited about cats so her mom has helped her find this wonderful outlet for her love of kitties. Chloe's passion for cats is equal to Maizie's passion for dogs. My other favorite cat was Happy seen above.
After lots of kisses the girls passed out kitty treats. Some of the cats don't trust people and I am sure if they could talk we would understand why. So, giving them each a snack and talking to them a bit helps them gradually build trust towards humans.

Chloe and her mother Susie have inspired Maizie and me to look into working with dogs at the SPCA. The training is pretty intense so I am not sure how Maizie will do. The coordinator said we are welcome to give it a try and see how it goes.

Susie has turned a corner and is finally able to get out of bed after her hip replacement surgery! Almost six days of being in a bed would drive even the most patient a bit crazy. Yesterday Susie had a procedure to block the blood clot from traveling. The massive bleeding and blood clot have brought up some other health concerns that will need to be addressed. It seems nothing is ever straight forward. I am thankful for your prayers. Please pray for Susie's continued improvement through the arduous physical therapy she is now enduring.

I am also thankful for the last seven days. Maizie has not had any episodes of vomiting. She has had three mornings where she required extra sleep but she did not go into an episode. I am keeping my fingers crossed!

Prayers for My Friend

Tonight I have a request. You have all heard of my good friend Susie and her little girl Chloe. Chloe is on the right above.

Susie went in the hospital for a planned hip replacement surgery on Monday. There were complications during surgery and she lost a lot of blood and required several transfusions. Just as she was starting to gain some strength and begin physical therapy a blood clot was found.

Despite this frustrating news Susie's spirits are good and she is hoping to begin physical therapy soon. Chloe is missing her mom. Her Daddy is taking her on daily visits but she senses the stress. Chloe struggles with anxiety and is doing well considering the situation.

Please send prayers of strength and healing for Susie. Prayers that Chloe and her Daddy will sleep well and that their anxiety will be calmed. Thank you.
Yesterday Maizie and I went to the zoo with Chloe. We had a wonderful time. The weather was perfect. Friendship is the bread of the heart.
Mary Russell Mitford (1853)

The Albatross that is our Home...Risk in Moving when Special Needs are Involved

The bathroom is done! Wahoo! Joe's shelves make a huge difference. Storage!
Our tiny house was built in the early 1800's. It was originally used as a place for rail road workers to stay. The tracks run a block over behind our home. You can hear the train whistle several times a day. I always kinda like that.

When we first looked at this house we were drawn to it because it was inexpensive, close to a few friends, cozy and would save us money. Or so we thought at the time. My parents made it clear that buying this house would be an 'albatross around our necks' for years to come. I am not sure why we did not listen. They were right. But here we are. Live and learn.

At the time our health insurance coverage did not cover Maizie's medications since the majority of her health problems were categorized under mental health care. We had no mental health coverage. The cost of medications mounted. We began charging medications and appointments on credit cards. Typically we were seeing a doctor every two to three weeks at three hundred and fifty dollars per appointment...out of pocket. Before long Maizie was hospitalized and our insurance refused to cover that too. It never helped that no one knew how to help Maizie and we were sent on wild goose chases. Before we knew it we were in debt. Joe had been looking for a job with better health coverage and was having no luck. Joe worked for my dad's company at the time and it was heart breaking for me that Joe was having to look elsewhere.

We realized that if we kept going as we were our money trouble would get even worse. Our modest suburban house sold and we scaled way down. At the time it seemed to be our only option. Living down town was something we were used to since we had lived there before adopting Maizie. It seemed comforting to be back in an area where we once had so much fun and freedom.

There was a great stress relief with more money to spend towards medications. Shortly after we moved to this house Joe was asked to work for his current employer. Suddenly we had excellent health care coverage and increased income. If it had only happened earlier! Even with excellent coverage we averaged close to ten grand out of pocket per year for health care. In addition to that we paid for tutoring and educational testing. I spent a great deal of time fighting our insurance company for occupational and physical therapy coverage. But I was beyond relieved that most everything else was finally being covered. Below is Maizie's three year old hand print on our sidewalk after we had to redo the entire sewer run to the alley shortly after purchasing this home.Eventually we moved to the north side of town to take advantage of the better special education system. My younger sister Melissa rented the little house from us and we bought a large home on contract from a friend of my mom's. (that may be an option again?) The schools were better and our tutor was very close to our home. From there we moved on to Jersey for Joe's job. During that time Kelly lived here. After Jersey we moved back in and have been here ever since. We are in a crappy school district and have outgrown our home. It is easy to outgrow a home with one closet! Today I talked to our mortgage person in regards to buying a bigger house. The news was not good. Since we were unable to refinance the albatross we had to reapply for another mortgage approval. By the time all was said and done the government had made several changes to the mortgage approval process. We are approved and have options but they are too risky. A larger sum of money is needed for the down payment. I accepted that we needed to put the dream property out of our minds and we focused on a more affordable, larger home and even that is not working out when we do the numbers. Being upside down on our current mortgage has really put things on hold.

I know a lot of people who are in our position. They have chosen to scale down in order to pay for the services their child needs. It seems that our decision came back to haunt us.
Possibly if we would have moved faster we would not be in this situation? But, like we had a choice. We spent most of the winter in and out of the hospital with Maizie.

The economy is getting weird and the mortgage world is down right bizarre/scary. Our town has just been declared as an 'official declining market' which affects us as well. Being in a Historic neighborhood makes it even worse to sell. Here is little Maizie greeting people as they came through our home on the Historic House and Garden Tour. Joe and I feel that the bottom line is we are not meant to move anywhere anytime soon. We could take the approval we were given and make it happen but it would be tight. I just don't have that in me anymore. Everything with Maizie is too risky. I want to know that if something happened we could give Maizie the care she deserves.

We climb up the hill, slide back down and start all over again. We don't always make the best financial decisions but we are not crazy spenders either. I remember once my mom asked me what on earth we spend our money on? People have no idea how everything adds up. The neurologist is writing a letter so we can once again apply for SSDI. With the new diagnosis of Chromosome Disorder, CVS, plus Autism we have a pretty good chance of Maizie qualifying. The neurologist has encouraged us to apply for Maizie's future. I don't like to rely on government funding for care but I think it may help a bit. Mostly, Maizie may need it as an independent adult. Granted, we choose not to rely on that alone. The funding may not be there one day. The Autism Waiver waiting list here is ten plus years long. Maizie has been on that list for four years. We have been told not to count on the services since they may be cut in the future. Needless to say we don't hold our breaths.
Are we the only ones struggling with finances, health coverage, few schooling options and putting dreams on hold? Unfortunately, I doubt we are.

Works in Progress

Baby Archer was in a great mood Sunday for our little photo shoot. My lil' God child is just the cutest bug. It has been a while since I have taken a photo series of a baby. Archer was a tad ornery when it came to smiling on cue. I guess that's a baby for ya.
Maizie relaxed and cuddled with the greyhounds during the shoot. Once we were finished we all went out for lunch.

Most of the weekend Joe worked on the house. Here is what we wanted to get done on top of our normal daily chores.

*Build shelves in the bathroom. (Joe did an excellent job...done!)
*Paint the bathroom. (still at it)
*Clean the guinea pig cage.....again. (done!)
*Clean the fish tank...the cat fish is missing or being consumed by the snails? (still thinking about doing it)
*Portrait session for Baby Archer. (done...well, I still have the tweaking work left but the session is done)

Back in the day we could have painted this bathroom in less than a day. Everything seems to take forever now. I really wanted to finish painting the bathroom tonight before Maizie gets back tomorrow from a sleepover. She can't be here while we paint. I don't want her smelling the fumes. Will I finish it in time? I doubt it. Not for lack of trying though.

Sunday night we took Maizie to see Nim's Island. It was fantastic. Maizie loved the movie and so did we. When Maizie heard Nim say she was home schooled she looked at me with the biggest surprised eyes. By the end of the movie she was requesting a pet lizard and wondering why we can't live on an island. Too cute.