Advocating With Your School: My Top Eleven Tips!

I have been reading many posts concerning schooling issues. We currently homeschool Maizie. We began homeschooling almost one year ago this Christmas.

However, before homeschooling I was a major advocate for getting services for special needs children. I loved advocating with other families to help their children secure one to one aides and other services. In some situations we had to build a case proving that the child had special needs in the first place.

I would not have been able to advocate or enjoy advocacy without the help from a wonderful book. I am sure some of you have this book and I hope you found it as helpful as I did! I have bought about six copies of this book because whenever someone borrowed it they never returned it! They relied on it so much they usually asked to keep it.

The book is From Emotions to Advocacy by Pam and Pete Wright. I went to two of their conferences which were excellent. I will say that if you read and use the book it will give you as much information as any conference will. They have a great website too.Our local League for the Blind and Disabled also offers advocacy classes. Many communities offer these but not many parents are told about them. Schools will certainly be the last to share this information with you. You have to call around and seek them out. I found them very helpful. The people were all very kind and were more than willing to give advice.

Most states in the U.S. have people who volunteer to advocate with a family. This is often helpful since we all tend to be more emotional when it comes to our own child. I did not have an advocate help me but I did have my sister who is also very knowledgeable assist me. At my more stressful meetings Maizie's tutor often attended with me. This helped more than I can express. It was very powerful to have an expert who worked one on one with my child over several years discuss her abilities with the teachers and other staff.

When I first began advocating for Maizie I was often overly emotional and would get angry or upset easily. Through reading the above book, taking classes and talking to other parents I quickly learned better approaches to communicating with Maizie's school. I also learned how to be more relaxed, less emotional and more confident in making requests and seeing that they are followed through with.

When me moved to New Jersey I stopped advocating for other families. A major move was all I could handle. Learning a new states system and advocating for Maizie was enough. When we returned to Indiana we had to move to a different school district from where we were previously and I had to start all over again. I became so exhausted! The new school district had fewer resources and Maizie's anxiety was sky rocketing. Eventually we chose to remove Maizie from public school and homeschool. This certainly was not my first choice but until Maizie is better able to cope with outside stimulus it seemed like our best option.

So, why am I going on and on about this. I guess it is my advocacy obsession taking over. I want to list out ten of the most important things I learned in my years of advocating for Maizie and other families.

1. Put everything in writing!

Write down phone conversations you have with teachers and date them. Save all e mails. Write all requests in a formal letter. If you call to discuss a concern, follow up with a written letter stating what was discussed. If you don't have it in writing it never happened!

2. Keep all writing non emotional and non judging. State the facts and what you would like to see happen and encourage a compromise. Keep the letter to one page in length. Don't point blame and don't ever send an angry letter. Write a heated one and then rip it up if you have to. Write a professional letter once you have calmed down. Always say thank you and how you appreciate the school and their hard work in the letter. Pointing out specific areas where you have been pleased is even better. There is a whole lot to be said for kindness in dealing with schools.

3. If you can find a way to make a great idea the schools idea than go for it! Teachers and schools love to think they have all the great ideas. Whenever a teacher or staff person does something great write a note of thank you. Be positive!

4. Keep an organized binder of your child's medical records, one for testing and one binder for school advocating stuff for each school year. Amazingly enough I would fill one two inch binder every school year. I have a huge filing cabinet full of them. It makes it so easy to point to the facts when you are at IEP meetings. Get copies of all IEP's, testing, etc. Don't leave an IEP until you have the copies! Once again, this goes back to if it is "not in writing it never happened". Keeping records is also important if your child regresses. Proving regression is very difficult with no records! Keep examples of your child's work too!

5. When dealing with medical professionals request letters of diagnosis and be specific with how you want or need them to be written. In our district without a very specific diagnosis we found it much harder to get services. If a doctor who is respected requests certain modifications it can be very helpful.

6. Don't ask for too much at once or for things that are just not reasonable. Do a lot of thinking and studying before you ask for the big ticket needs like one to one aides. All your ducks need to be in a row for this one. Especially if you have a child that can come across with lots of strong skills like mine. Know the laws in your state.

7. There is nothing that beats actual observation in the classroom. How can you advocate for your child if you have never witnessed what the entire school day is like? How can you solve transition problems or figure out what is setting your child off if you are not there for long stretches of time. It is practically impossible unless you have an extremely intuitive teacher who knows your child almost as well as you do! Observe once to twice a week for an hour or two at a stretch. Consider the first few times wasted since you will no doubt be a disruption to how your child normally behaves. If it is impossible to observe without your child becoming too excited or unable to move along normally ask someone familiar with your child to observe for you.

8. As you observe take extensive notes. Observations and facts are the best. I did this similar to how a school psychologist might. Breaking it down into three or five minute increments. You will be totally amazed what you will discover and the ideas you will be able to come up with to assist your child. Keep these notes private and save them.

9. Drop in unannounced and ask to observe. This was difficult for me to do but so necessary. I found out many of Maizie's services were not being completed. PT and OT were never started half way into the school year and I was led to believe it was happening! You would be amazed. Also, Maizie would have melt downs on certain days and we could not figure out why. After observing I was way more likely to figure out why. And at the same time you will discover great things about your child's school and the staff that works with them. Hopefully, all will be well and you will know more about how your child interacts at school for when problems occur.

10. Be nice. Be generous and smile! The staff and teachers are under so much stress. The last thing they need is a bossy, grumpy, accusing parent watching them. I would go so far as to say only observe if you can go in looking at your child in a 'studying' way. You are observing like a detective to figure out how to solve difficulties in your child's day. Not to blame or accuse or make a teacher miserable. Make it so the teacher enjoys your visits. Now, in some cases this may not be possible. Try as hard as you can. Smile! A lot!!!!!

11. Get private testing. Don't rely on the school's testing alone. Ask around and find out who provides the best educational testing. This provides lots of power in negotiating needs. Also, study the testing results.

I hope this is a helpful list. I am sure much of it most of the moms here have figured out. Many of these are covered thoroughly in the From Emotions to Advocacy book.

I have read almost every advocacy book and these were my favorites. In my opinion they are the must haves if your child is special needs and in school. From Emotions to AdvocacyPam and Pete Wright

Special Educators Complete Guide to 109 Diagnostic Tests
by Roger Pierangelo, Ph.D. and George Giuliani, Psy.D.(This book is somewhat outdated but still helpful in talking intelligently about your child's testing.)

Special Education LawPam and Pete Wright

Wrights Law: IDEA 2004
Pam and Pete Wright