Do You Like Change?
Our mornings still begin like this....
Lil' Miss Maizie is sound asleep under that blanket after the usual morning CVS episode. We are frustrated and at the same time this "monster" illness has become a part of our routine...a part of our lives. A combination of intense belly pain and head pain over takes her.
I am praying she out grows this soon. Most children do. And then again Maizie is not like most children. It has been a little over a year since our trip to the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio. It is very possible we will be going there again.
The picture below is how Maizie looks by six at night. We went out to dinner with Rod and Rhonda and she was able to see her little friend Madelyn. Madelyn and Maizie were discussing adoption together. Since they are both adopted they tend to bring this up whenever they see one another. Maizie asked me what her birth mother did to take care of her when she was a baby. I explained that her birth mother ate healthy foods, listened to country music (obviously this is where Maizie gets her love of Dolly Parton and all things country) and prayed for her and us...a lot. Madelyn likes to point out that she is from the Philippines and Maizie is not. Sometimes it seems there is a little competition between them on who has the most unique birth story. The two of them never cease to amaze me when they bring up adoption.
Maizie has been loving her new MP3 player. She wears the big ol' headphones because they, "feel good". It is quite entertaining listening to her sing as I drive. I especially like the quiet time or being able to listen to my own music.
I sure do appreciate the comments about my new hair do. It has taken some major adjustment. Every time I look in the mirror I am like, "Gadz!? Where is my hair?" It looks quite different to me. I don't know how long I will keep it like this but for now it is fun having a new style to work on in the mornings.
I am all for anything different right now. Yes, it totally clashes with what Maizie wants. That is the struggle. I like changes. The way our day is laid out right now about sends me over the edge sometimes.
I enjoy new challenges, new places, rearranging furniture and spur of the moment get togethers. These things don't seem to go with Maizie's personality very well. If anything..my need for change and the fact that I don't fear it has probably come in handy in dealing with Maizie's ongoing and ever changing health challenges. Accepting change has come in handy when it comes to her education techniques, therapies and social struggles. I am much more willing to move on and try something else. I figure God is trying to teach me patience and how to enjoy the tiny...the subtle, more dazlious moments in my life.
Does your child with special needs like change? Do you?
18 comments:
Parker likes some change or better, doesn't mind some change. If I change the livingroom or kichen around he doesn't mind. If I get a haircut that doesn't look much different, he doesn't mind. If we ride in a different vehicle he doesn't mind. But..many many other things bother him if they change. He hates it when I wear sweaters or jackets he's never seen or not seen in a while. He's funny about what change he doesn't like. So yes, he is very sensative to change and doesn't like a lot of it. (Forgot to add, he doesn't like people to wear sunglasses or hoods up) I hope Maizie feels better soon. Poor girl. I cannot believe her talking and social skills, that is just great! She is so cute.
J and I are like you and Maizie. I love to change things around and he hates it. Today he was mad at me for driving home the wrong way. He also didn't understand why the 2nd week of OT wasn't the same as the 1st. He did okay with the differences, but I had prepared him ahead of time that we might not do all the things he did last week.
I never know what will set him off though. My hair hasn't bothered him the past, but we all know that he doesn't like to change his own appearance. ;)
Beauty really seems to enjoy seeing new things and new places but hates going anywhere without her hat and scarf!She is always fascinated when I wear something new and bright and loves to touch anything new.
I don't generally like change. There is some change I don't mind, and sometimes I do like change, but generally no.
And never spur-of-the-moment change, sudden change. My changes have to be announced in advance, some earlierthan others. If not (and even if, sometimes), melt- or shutdown will follow. At least when it's announced I can brace myself and deal with it as best I can, and the meltdowns will be smaller, or I'll just barely pass them by. Even for change I look forward to I have to brace myself and know I will at least come close to meltdown.
My son is a control freak. He likes change as long as it's change he has initiated. Otherwise, we have a problem. Last year we needed a new back door because, well it's a long story, but it had to do with me locking my keys in the house. He screamed bloody murder when we replaced it.The old door was red and for weeks bubs kept saying "i miss the red door. I want the red door back". I am in the middle of painting his old bedroom. He is not that sure about that and keeps telling me it's blue and it doesn't need to be painted. We had to get him out of the house while we dismantled his old crib. He even noticed when I reupholstered the dining room chairs. When we got a new car, well, it took weeks for him to go in it without grumbling about it.
I am sure there is more, but suffice it to say, I get what you're going through.
Hi Marla, glad to have found your blog on Autism Hub! I am from Indianapolis by the way (living in Michigan now). For my son, change is not much of a concern for the most part. He has grown up with parents that are totally unregimented, anti-scheduled (except for the daily junk that just becomes part of the scedule I suppose), quite spur of the moment, and constantly changing. He just sorta rolls with the punches so to speak. The only thing he gets upset about is if we have talked about going somewhere and doing something and one of his goofy parents forgets or puts it off, then we dont' hear the end of it. Oh! And Friday nights, we always go to our Recreation Center and swim! We just do!
Looking forward to reading more of your entries!
i like that they share adoption stories together, that is very sweet. i like change for some things and others i prefer to stay just the same. i love change when it comes to my job...unfortunately this isn't always convenient. luckily i think i've found a profession that embraces this need for constant moving around and change! whoo hoo!!!
Patrick's change issues revolve around routine. I can movek the furniture around, cut my hair, and apparently dad can even travel for work, but if I changed his daily routine or even his weekly routine, he'd freak out. This is getting better as he gets older.
I like little changes, but not big ones. So if we buy the house accross the street, it'll stress me out but Patrick will probably see the adventure in it.
I like change, but I also am a slave to routine. That probably doesn't make much sense. But I am the person who will grow out her hair for months and months and then just whack it all off without thinking about it. I used to color my hair a different shade every few months. I'm constantly rearranging the furniture in our living room. That said, we have routines. All three of us are fairly set in them and we seem to truly enjoy them. Every Friday when Bob is off work, we head into town and hit the same 4 superstore type stores looking for bargains. We eat out (hotdogs and sodas at Sams) and just enjoy being together. This is the craziest routine, but it's one that we look forward to all week. It's just one of our odd little routines.
My Ashley likes change in small bursts. For example, we can go out to a new restaurant, but that trip needs to be framed in the routine of our lives. Her mornings should play out as always - then we go out to lunch at a new place - then we come home for our regular routine. My goal now is to try connecting two or more 'news' together in one day!
Much like Mumkeepingsane's Patrick, I think Nik is okay with changes in the environment (including my hair/clothes) though he definitely notices them. He cannot handle change in his general routine UNLESS I tell him about it. Then he seems to tolerate it moderately well. I have to wonder how much of that stems from all his many months in the hospital where he had NO control over anything.
As for me, I need a balance of routine and spontaneity. That said, the strict routine required by Nik's needs right now **definitely** gets to me after a while and I feel the urge to just run away.
I envy my husband being able to go off to work and school and bury his head in books to study. I know he works really, really hard but I envy his ability to be out and about with other people and in new and different situations (in his nursing clinicals). There are days I feel I am being swallowed alive by the routine.
No I don't
It takes a while for Charlie to get used to change-----to a new food, a new direction to walk in, not wearing his winter coat (it's my project to work on this with him---it's in the 70s and he's still bundled up). But then once he gets it, he often seems to like it a lot.
I guess we all need some permanence and constancy amid the swirl of things. It takes Charlie (and Maizie?) a much longer time to process new things and figure them out and I think that is one reason he is so hesitant about new things. (And hence transitions can be difficult.) Then once he gets into something----
I am so sorry that this CVS keeps Maizie down. It has to be so horrible for her.
You know, Dakota does his work so much better when he has his MP3 player, and it is drowning out the sounds of the house. He just seems to concentrate better.
I love your new look, absoutley beautiful!!
We shaved Andy the other day just for fun, since I hadn't seen him without a goatee for at least a year, and Rhett wouldn't go to him for at least a good 12 hours. He just cried everytime Andy talked to him.
Thinking of you always.
((HUGS))
Pam and Rhett
I don't think liking or not liking change is necessarily a general thing.
As a kid I definitely liked variety in some areas, but I was absolutely horrified by things like furniture-rearrangement.
I very seriously thought for years as a kid that rearranging the furniture was "child abuse". (And the only reason I could think of for someone's wanting to rearrange the furniture was that they were "crazy".) I also used to get really upset if I saw anyone cracking eggs on the counter as opposed to on the edge of a bowl, as doing it on the counter edge was "wrong". And once when my family went camping (when I was maybe 9 or 10), I had an hours-long crying meltdown because we went to a different campground than usual. I got yelled at in 6th grade for, among other things, "wearing the same clothes too many days in a row" (which I did because I really liked particular clothing items and did not want to wear something different).
Sooo...my history of dealing with change isn't exactly a friendly one. I've since learned to manage it a bit better (as a result of maturity and also of figuring out that change was a "trigger" for me in the first place -- knowing what tends to set me off gives me better opportunity to prepare for it). Probably the worst thing for me is changes in plans -- I tend to "cue up" a lot of things in my head just in order to function, so when something doesn't happen as anticipated, it can throw everything else in my brain out of whack.
marla, I'm afraid I am with Maizie on the subject of your hair. You look cute enough with it short and auburn, but I still prefer it long and brunette (see old pic of you lying on river-bank with Maizie.
My kids and I loathe change. My hubby is talking about moving to either Mesa, Arizona or Seattle area. I told him I'd go but I'd be bawling all the way there.
James doesn't like change. He still talks about how much he likes our old house (from 2 years ago), even though he obviously likes our new one better.
I don't like change, at least big ones. But I do like simple changes.
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